


A la folie... pas du tout

by thatdragonchic



Series: Love or be loved [1]
Category: The Maze Runner Series - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, But also, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Goodbyes, Heart Break, Idiots in Love, Implied Sexual Content, Love and healing, M/M, Mentions of past suicide, Multi, Newt is a Dork, Oblivious Thomas (Maze Runner), Unhealthy Obsession, Unhealthy Relationships, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, but its not explicitly stated, but only kind of, hinted past rape, newtmas - Freeform, the sex stuff is consented, this is a newtmas story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-07-02
Packaged: 2019-06-01 03:39:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15134318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatdragonchic/pseuds/thatdragonchic
Summary: He's loved Newt for over a year, creates a fantasy where they end up together.But in the end, he's not the one who ends up with him.(Read and find out who DOES end up with Newt...)





	A la folie... pas du tout

**Author's Note:**

> DEDICATED TO THE LOVELY JO because I really kept her guessing  
> I HOPE YOU LOVE IT BABY BOO  
> Also Chloe bc babe of my life *sparkle heart emoji x3*  
> Took some time to write it but I really like it!

Newt and Aris were in the same medical school classes. They had been for two, and now three semesters. Newt sat next to him in their lab and free study periods, Aris swallowing thickly as he sits down beside him. For about a year now, he’s developed a festering, unyielding crush on the sharp looking older man beside him, caring and gentle, wittingly funny, and bit of an asshole at all the right times, there was something that was just so distinguished and charming about Newt. It made Aris’ heart soar.

They had gotten a bit closer over the summer, when he found out that, through a mutual friend, his roommate Thomas was friends with Newt. He willingly tagged along to the adventures of Thomas, Minho, Newt, Frypan, Winston and Alby, if only to steal 5 minutes of Newt’s talking time, to hear his wild stories over dinner. Newt, more often than not, was wildly interested in Thomas, Minho and Alby over anybody else. And when conversation broke apart, well, Newt’s conversation tended to be with Thomas.

He could never lie to himself and say he wasn’t jealous that Thomas got to spend so much time with Newt, got to talk to him whenever and it wouldn’t be weird.

Aris was now in his open study anatomy class with Newt, the lesson had finished early and the class agreed to stay and start the reading their in the lecture hall rather than actually go back home. Aris glances at Newt, who was already mostly done with his reading and notes. In fact, he was a whole 2 chapters ahead, and he had been revising with colored highlighters and sparkly glitter pens, his pen lazily tapping now as he dreamily reads a text on his phone. Aris wants to say something, but it hurts his heart to think that Newt would stop smiling once he’s broken from his daze.

He doesn’t have to say anything it turns out. “Hey, quick question, are you free after class?” Newt asks, Aris looking surprised, blushing because he thinks he’s been caught staring. He swallows, trying to will his heart to dislodge from his throat.

“I… uhm… yeah.”

“Good,” Newt says calm and good natured. “Me and Thomas wanted to get dinner and I thought maybe you’d like to come.”

“You did?”

“Sure. I know I take up so much of his time sometimes, and he says you like to have somebody to eat with, so I wouldn’t mind if you joined.”

Aris feels his pulse right down to his fingertips, swallowing again and smiling. He wonders if he seems as nervous as he feels. What did this mean? Did it mean anything at all? Had Thomas figured it out and was trying to set them up? Was Newt just being nice? “Are we going right after class?”

“Actually, I wanted to go home and change-” he doesn’t have to, Aris thinks. “So like… say 5 o’clockish?”

“Oh sure! That’s perfect!” Aris agrees too quickly and Newt laughs, perhaps in turn to his odd mannerisms, and God, Aris really hopes he’s not being _odd_.

“Good. I told Thomas he could pick, so… We’ll likely end up in a bar eating burgers or something.”

“You don’t like burgers?”

“They’re fine, but he _always_ does this.”

Always implies Newt has spent a lot of time with Thomas, a lot of time alone, and Aris feels his blood boil a bit. He nods though. “He does,” He agrees.

Aris wipes his sweaty palms on his jeans, and he wonders if Newt would ever like him back. If he’d ever kiss him, and if he did if it would feel as nice as he imagines. He glances to Newts lips as he offhandedly complains about how Thomas loved burgers _too_ much, and he feels like a blade is slowly ripping at his insides, twisting its way in his gut. _Stoptalkingabouthimstoptalkingabouthimstoptalkingabouthim._ He kept thinking it over and over, praying that Newt would just _shut up_ about his roommate, that he wouldn’t have to engage in constant conversation about him, because it meant that maybe Newt liked Thomas more, that maybe Newt had a _thing_ for Thomas, and was Thomas the one who fell hopelessly in love with Newt? Felt for Newt with all his beating heart? He wants to think he’s not, but Thomas can be awfully secretive sometimes.

Their conversation dies, as Newt is whisked into talking to somebody else, somebody he doesn’t talk to Thomas about, and Aris thinks he smiles a little more fake too. They were friends. Weren’t they friends? They were totally friends. Had to be friends. They hung out enough to be friends. He could say that he saw Sam Newton outside of class all the time: the beautiful, cunning, charming, and sometimes ruthless valedictorian of their medical school class, the one who everybody knew, loved, and occasionally feared. He could suggest that they were close, he could say they went to Great Adventure in Jersey and rode _El Toro_ together because it happened, and that Newt held onto his arm the entire time, even when they lifted their hands, and tumbled alongside him with dizziness as they found their way down the platform.

They had some type of history, and Aris thinks that maybe this thing with Thomas tonight could mean something. Like a shy sort of date thing, with a plus one. As he finds his way home, he tries to figure out what to say, but can’t quite think of it. Thomas is home from his teaching job maybe ten minutes later when it’s 4, and he is setting his stuff down, already looks nice.

“Are you going dressed like that?” Aris asks Thomas.

“Yeah, uhm… I wanted to go somewhere nice tonight. Newt’s been saying how he wanted to go eat out somewhere really nice for dinner-” _not in the groupchat_ Aris notes, but nods as Thomas explains Newt’s desire to go out somewhere thats a little too fancy for any normal occasion.

“I didn’t know you two were that close,” Aris offers. “It sounds like you guys talk a lot since the summer.”

“Uhh yeah, we got really close,” Thomas excuses. “Anyways don’t mention it to him at all on the way there, but I made us a reservation at this nice romantic restaurant, you know ‘one if by land, two if by sea’? I think he’ll really like it.”

“We’re going to a romantic restaurant?”

“Not tonight, on Newt’s birthday in January.” Thomas says it as if it’s obvious. “Tonight, we’re going to Marc Forgione, which is like this upscale farm food/home food kind of place, but it looked really cozy and homey in the pictures. I reserved the three of us a table.”

Aris swallows the lump in his throat and nods. “It sounds nice.” He pauses. “Is there anything… between you two?”

“What do you mean?”

“You know like… I dunno… you’re taking him to that restaurant on his birthday. That just seems kind of weird.”

He shrugs. “I made a flexible reservation. I have a month to get real numbers, but I think I might throw him a small surprise party.”

“Oh…”

“I dunno if I’ll invite you, is that okay? I mean, it's for Newt, and you guys don’t talk much do you?”

Aris wants to say they _do_ talk all the time, that they talk lots. But if Newt pausing in his texts to complain about Thomas for a couple minutes, and his kind replies to his texts in the groupchat are anything to go by, it wasn’t much. Not nearly as much as Aris would’ve liked.

“Yeah it’s fine,” Aris says, shrugging. “So should I dress nice for tonight?”

“Preferably.”

Aris nods, and he goes off to his room, chewing on his knuckle as he shuts the door. He so desperately wanted to be close to Newt, but Newt must’ve felt something for him if he invited him out with them tonight. Does Thomas like him too? Was Thomas trying to impress Newt? If he was, he was already doing a far better job than Aris was. Aris takes in a deep breath, he’s determined now that he’s going to ask out Newt. Take him on a date, even if he can’t outbeat whatever it is Thomas is planning for his birthday.

\---

Newt smooths down his shirt before picking up the phone. “Hello?”

“Hey hon,” Thomas cooes on the other end, Newt smiling.

“Hey! So what bar should I be prepared to go to tonight?”

“None, dress nicely. I’m taking you somewhere special since you’re craving fancy.”

“You're joking.”

“Nope.”

Newt gasps excited, face splitting into a grin before he sobers a bit. “Does Aris know we’re going somewhere nice?”

“Yeah why?”

“Nothing, just… I don’t want it to seem like a date or anything.”

“You don’t seriously still think he has a crush on you, do you?”

“He does! Thomas, he gets so shy around me sometimes, and he does this thing where he pathetically attempts flirting… I just, I don’t want to crush his heart.”

“Well nobody really knows yet, about us..."

“Just, don’t be flirty or anything. I don’t want to hurt him,” Newt insists.

“I really don’t think he likes you.”

“Are you sure? Just pay attention to it tonight.”

“What if he does and he like… asks you out or something?”

“You think he’d do that, Tommy? He doesn’t have that much courage in that frail skin of his.”

“He might.”

“I’ll agree and go out with him, simple as that. Then afterwards I’ll tell him I had a lovely time but am seeing somebody else.”

Thomas agrees, and Newt can almost see him nodding with slight displeasure. He smiles to himself, his heart fluttering because Thomas just made him _so happy_ , he could hardly contain it sometimes. The happiness he felt.

“Thank you, Tommy.”

“Anything for you. Now go get ready, we have reservations!”

\---

Aris doesn’t ask him out that night, and he really hates himself for it. God, Newt was so great though. Everything about him, his calm manner, how he made great conversation over dinner, seemed to indulge in the “homey american” food that they were having. He greatly appreciated the wine, even though Aris didn’t really like to drink at all. The wine was concentrated from Cotton Candy Grapes, and Newt thought it was _absolutely charming_ which made Thomas laugh.

At some point Newt had been so into their conversation, he had put his hand over his own and well, Aris wanted to die in the best possible way. He doesn’t know that Thomas has really caught onto his emotions for the handsome blonde by the end of the night. One day, he’ll be very grateful that Thomas never said anything about it.

Though now, he’s walking into Newt’s apartment with Thomas, smiling at Minho who answers and barely smiles back; he doesn’t think Minho likes him much. Newt is on the couch, eating popcorn out of its bag, and _wow_ is he the most adorable person. How he’s criss cross in tight yoga pants, how he’s wearing a crop top from the company ‘Pink’ but the shirt itself is a sparkly black that ends just under his pecs and continues to his ribs with a bit of mesh. The sleeves were a bit baggy, and he had on workout socks.

“You didn’t tell me you guys were coming to movie night!” Newt says, throwing popcorn at Thomas. “Rude, I didn’t even shower.”

“Why, you went to ham on your yoga session?” Thomas teases.

Minho scoffs. “Don’t do that man, he’s going to challenge you to do it, then you’re going to agree, and he’s going to laugh as you fail miserably to keep your abs _and_ calves tight while balancing. And then he’s really going to laugh as you attempt to pull yourself into a headstand from a plank.”

“It can’t be that hard.”

“Willing to find out?” Newt asks.

Thomas narrows his eyes before shrugging. “Later.”

Newt rolls his eyes and stands, rubbing Aris’ shoulder. “I’m sorry you put up with him regularly. Are you miserable? Do you need help?

“Because of him? Probably,” Aris agrees, playing along cooly and Newt laughs.

“God, what have you _done_?

“Has he ever told you about the first time he attempted to barbecue steak?”

“I’m scared, I don’t think I want to know.”

Thomas nudges Aris. “Don’t embarass me like this in front of my cool friends,” he says dead faced before laughing and Minho shakes his head.

“You mean me, right?” Minho asks. “I know you don’t mean Alby. He’s a nerd even though he seems cool.”

“I am too, cool!” Alby argues and Newt shakes his head, returning to his spot on the floor and Aris gets a good glance at his strong backside, and his very, _very_ nice ass. He glances away before anybody notices him watching and fidgets with his phone, Newt inviting everybody to sit down so they could watch. Aris had planned to sit beside Newt but Thomas beats him to it, sticking himself in Newts space like it was nothing, and Newt only scooched to be closer to Thomas, he watches Minho squint at the two with some type of knowing before placing himself behind them, and Alby on the remaining couch cushion by Minho’s toes.

Aris sits on the arm chair that's closest to Thomas, angled so the back of it is to the doorway and Newt isn’t really paying attention to him, Thomas whispering something to him, lips ghosting his skin and Aris has this deep aching for it to be him. To be that close to Newt, to make him squint and smile and nudge him away. He hates Thomas for being so close to him, resents him a bit for getting to be such good friends with Newt. He hates how Thomas stretches out his legs and how Newt takes that as an invitation to put his own legs over Tommys, the heels of his feet against one thigh, toes snuggly under the other, and he lays on his back, stretching his arms out and exhaling.

“Didn’t you work out already?” Thomas teases and Newt laughs.

“God, I can’t do _anything_.” He groans for dramatic effect and Aris thinks he’d be so much nicer to Newt, so much better for him that Thomas ever could be. He just wants to see that smile start and never stop, wants to feel Newts body heat, hug his legs and kiss his calves and tell him he was so important to him. Newt doesn’t even notice him though, watching as Alby and Minho argue over which movie to put on before sneaking his body up, and grabbing the remote.

“Move the table, please?” he asks one of the two and they obey, pouting a bit that they didn’t get to pick a movie, watching as Newt puts on _16 Candles_ over the action movies they were debating.

“Nerd,” Thomas teases.

“I love this movie,” Newt says and everyone softens at his soft hearted, innocent demeanor. Aris thinks its funny how easy Newt can convince everybody that his way was the best way just by batting his eyes a little, and cutely declaring that he loved this movie, so obviously it was the right movie to watch.

Chips and popcorn and candy go around, and Newt argues that since most of it is vegan, it’s not so bad. “I didn’t know you were vegan,” Aris says.

“I’m not, but I prefer clean and healthy and organic then… processed and yucky. Besides, have a Scandinavian Swimmer, better than any Swedish Fish you’ve ever had.”

Aris kind of laughs and Thomas shrugs. “I didn’t believe him until I had a handful,” he says, rubbing his shin slowly. Newt offers Thomas from his imported chocolate hearts, filled with Strawberry creme, a gesture he doesn’t extend to anybody else. A gesture that has his two closest friends raising an eyebrow as he feeds Thomas the candy.

Aris doesn’t notice Alby and Minho raising their brows at the action, he just sort of feels his own heart sinking, as he chews his lip, trying not to think too much about how warm and affectionate and offhandedly sweet Newt was to Thomas, how one second he was biting him with words, then the next feeding him chocolate. He thinks it's a cruel, sick joke.

Exhaling slowly, Aris focuses on the movie that Newt seems to so greatly enjoy. He chews his lip as he hugs the pillow to his chest, trying his best not to think about his long term crush, how he seemed to be falling for his best friend and roommate. It hurt more than he wanted to admit. He hated looking over and seeing Thomas’ hand gently massaging from Newt’s thighs back up to his knee. It almost allows for him to imagine it happening a dirtier, less innocent situation.

He blocks it out, and checks his phone. He had plenty of friends, friends that loved him, friends that mattered, but lately he’s felt distant as he desperately attempted to put himself in Newt’s path. He texts back Jack, that things felt as if they were going disastrously.

_Jack: Maybe you should find another mans, you know?_

_Aris: He just feels so special to me idk how to explain it_

_Jack: Ask him out, maybe they’re like… just weirdly close_

_Aris: so… then what? We date and Thomas gets to keep holding him and shit?_

_Jack: lay down some ground rules ig_

_Jack: you’re with him now that's what matters._

_Jack: are you doing okay in your med classes? Maybe he’s too much of a distraction._

_Aris: I’m doing perfectly fine in my classes_

_Aris: I mean, I’ve dropped to mostly B’s/B+’s but… that’s still good right?_

_Jack: is that enough to pass in med school?’_

_Aris: yeah it is_

_Jack: just don’t let him divert your attention from your goals, you’re more than some guy you like, especially when that guy definitely won’t put you above his studies_

_Aris: you’re right_

_Aris: I just… it feels unfair. Thomas isn’t anymore interesting than me, and he’s a freak about running, and he’s so mean to him sometimes_

_Jack: mean to Newt?_

_Aris: yeah!_

_Jack: well idk I’ve never really met Newt and I definitely haven’t seen him around Thomas_

_Jack: maybe you’re skewing their banter to seem favorable for you_

_Aris: encouraging_

_Jack: Just being honest man_

_Jack: why is he so important to you anyways? Yeah he’s cute and all, I guess_

_Aris: he just is_

_Aris: I really like him_

_Aris: I might even be in love with him_

_Jack: wow that’s a lot of feeling to have for somebody you just barely know_

_Aris: i do know him_

_Jack: do you though?_

_Aris: we’ve spent a lot of time together_

_Aris: I get him_

_Jack: Just ask him out first_

_Jack: maybe don’t say that to him until a few dates later_

_Aris: maybe i’ll ask him out after finals_

_Jack: good idea_

Aris glances up as Newt giggles at something somebody said, looking up at his friends but Aris isn’t really sure who. His heart is pounding, Newt makes him so nervous. Just his presence made him both want to bolt and want to talk to him endlessly. He squishes his hands between this thighs to stop them from shaking.

Newt loves the movie, but Aris isn’t really interested, his head wandering off with the scenes in the movie. Newt falling casually in love with him at a dance, seeing him there, wanting to know who he is. Newt trying to get his number, Newt being trapped with some asshole and just wanting to fall in love with him. Newt just wanting him in every way possible, because Aris was different or special to him. Because Aris somehow felt like the one. It was a good fantasy, replaying what the feeling of Newts lips could be like. He almost falls asleep when the movies credits roll and he blinks awake to see it, the boys bursting into chatter about the next movie.

He somehow feels like he doesn’t belong, but he wants to. Thomas belongs, of course Thomas belongs. He fits perfectly in this little friend group and he notices how Newt is up and about and trying to grab the bowls, Thomas getting up to help him, as Alby declares that Aris can pick the movie since he was their ‘guest of honor’.

“What?” Aris asks.

Alby shrugs. “Nobody sees you around much, you’re bout as reclusive as Newt wishes he could be.”

This makes Aris’ heart sing, the mention of how similar the two are. “I uh… I don’t think I like anything you guys would want to watch.”

“Did you see that shit Newt just put us through? Anything goes,” Minho complains. “Classic, maybe. Shitty? No. But still never on my list of movies to willingly watch.”

Aris laughs softly. “Then I think I’ll have to continue the trend to spite you.”

Minho, for once, gives him a sly smile, and Aris feels like he too belongs in this group. “Fine, hit me with your best shot. Nothing I can’t handle.”

Aris picks _Better Off Dead_ , but they wait to play it as Thomas and Newt are in the closed off kitchen getting snacks. “I’ll go help them,” Aris offers, walking over to the kitchen where Newt was trying to grab popsicles from the back of the freezer, and Thomas was boredly watching the microwave heat up more popcorn.

“Can I help?” He asks and Newt sticks his head out of the freezer.

“Sure, pour more of the sour cream and onion chips into a bowl, please?”

“Sure,” Aris agrees, watching Newt settle with them in his arms and going to break off a chunk of the frozen juice pops, putting several multicolor pops in a red solo cup. Thomas is moving around Newt, gently putting a hand to his bare back as he walks past him, Newt inhaling softly, watching Thomas shyly for a moment before he goes back to what he was doing. Aris doesn’t notice, only sees Newt looking away as he looks up, feeling that Newt must have been looking at him. Staring at _him_. He felt his stomach tie in knots, and he bites his lip, and God Almighty, it wasn’t helping that Newt was wearing something that fit him so well, that made Aris want to kiss every part of him, even the dirtier parts.

Aris never feigned himself to be a sexual person, but he’d never had good enough sex to want to be. He thinks maybe if he can just get under Newt, he could definitely learn to love sex a lot more. (Or maybe he wouldn’t, he isn’t sure.) Aris though, definitely gets a bit of a sexual feeling for how Newt stretches to reach the very top shelf to grab some trek mix to mix into one of the popcorn bags, sticks another popcorn bag into the microwave.

“I totally could’ve gotten that,” Thomas says. He just seems to understand what to do, how movie night worked.

“Well you didn’t, so I did,” Newt says and hands him the bowl and the cup smiling sweetly. “Take them to the living room please?”

Thomas nods and Newt turns to Aris. “What did they pick? Or was the fighting too much so you left?”

“I uh… I actually picked _Better Off Dead._ That 80s movie.”

Newt perks up. “Really? God I love 80s and 90s films, of all genres and cultures. Have you seen Bollywood movies from that time period? To die for. Minho and I binged some K-Dramas from the 90s, I think I actually fell in love.”

Aris laughs. “Uh, no I haven’t. I guess I never… I dunno, really ever looked into K-Drama?”

“Anime fan?”

“What?”

“Ugh, Minho used to _love_ Anime! Death Note? That shit was the jam on a morning muffin to him.”

“You put jam on your muffins?”

“English muffins.”

Aris nods, a small blush coming to his cheeks as he smiles. “If you did, I’d totally try it.”

“We do have a 10 AM class together, maybe we just have to now.”

“Oh god… at least make it a banana muffin.”

“With what kind of jam?”

“Peach or apple.”

Newt makes a face. “Apple jam?”

“Yeah, from your favorite place in the whole world,” He teases, taking the popcorn out of the microwave for Newt.

“Which is…?”

“Trader Joe's. It tastes amazing on their almond thins.”

“Hm… I’ll have to bring those too.”

“We could get coffee and go together before class.”

Newt perks up a bit. “That sounds lovely, I need something to get me going in the morning.”

“Don’t you do like, morning yoga videos everyday?” Aris asks, raising a brow. “I accidentally clicked into one of your lives once and almost felt obligated to work out.”

Newt laughs. “That’s the spirit of it. Did you join my morning stretch?”

“No. Does instagram pay you to do that?”

“A significant amount actually, because I have such a cult following.”

“Well, sorry, I won’t really… be one anytime soon.”

“Be what?” Thomas asks. “One of Newt’s minions? Bendy devils from the suburbs?”

“You’re so weird,” Newt says, putting his hand on Thomas’ face. “Me and Aris have a coffee date without you, what are you going to do about it?”

“I don’t want your coffee. Coffee's for obnoxious people who do yoga.”

“Yeah okay. Let me see you live without your morning cup, Mr. I Wake Up Early To Run. What’s early anyways?”

“Like… I dunno, 5 AM?”

Newt looks absolutely defeated. “Liar,” he whispers.

“No uh… he’s telling the truth,” Aris offers awkwardly and Thomas is laughing at the look Newt is giving him.

“Seriously?” As if he hadn’t heard Aris, but then he spins to Aris. “And you’re pretending he does this! You’re covering for him! God, Aris I thought we were closer than that!”

Aris sputters for a second, trying to find the words. “He does!”

“Don’t defend him! God I can’t _believe_ you’d make innocent little Aris lie for you! Don’t have you have any shame, Mr. Edison?”

“Oh cut the crap, you’re just a jealous janet that I can run.”

“A who?”

“Forget it, I run, all the time actually,” Thomas says, a bit hauty and Newt laughs, his whole body leaning forward.

“You’re so upset,” he teases, taking Thomas’ arm. “We believe you.”

“Who’s we?”

“Me and Aris.”

“Aris lives with me!”

“Doesn’t mean he’s a nut like you who wakes up at 5 AM.”

Thomas wants to note that when he lives with Newt and they share a room, he won’t set his alarm for 5 AM, he’ll stay in bed and spoon him until he wakes up, and kiss the column of his neck gently before he ever woke him up with an alarm to go running, but he’s mindful of his friend who’s heart is on the line, who’s watching the two with wide sad eyes and shrugs.

“Maybe you should marry him,” he offers, suggesting compatibility he knows isn’t there. He feels so _bad_ for lying to Aris, but gosh he can definitely wait a while before he tells Aris that Newt was dating him.

“Me?” Aris asks shocked and Newt laughs.

“Yeah, Aris, we should get married,” Newt teases. “Best friends forever.” He raises his brows quick before grabbing the remaining snacks to find that Alby and Minho have already picked a different movie.

“Sorry we got bored,” Minho says. “Y’all were taking too long doing whatever the hell it was you were doing in the kitchen.”

“Making you snacks,” Newt says sweetly. “Put Aris’ movie back on,” he defends.

“Nah, he just picked it to mess with me.”

Newt snatches it and then puts on _À La Folie… Pas du Tout._ “We’re watching this whack movie again?”

“I’ve never seen it,” Alby says.

“Me either,” Aris agrees and Thomas chimes in to agree with Alby and Aris. Newt seems, once again, victorious, and presses play, making sure the subtitles are on.

It was pure fascination how infatuation twists obsession of the heart in such ways, how paranoia and love go hand in hand. Aris wonders if all the things he thinks Newt feels are in his head, but he’s convinced they’re true. They must be. Newt _must_ like him. In some capacity, to some extent. He must. They settled on a… sort of date, sort of not date. And they got along so well, didn’t they? In his head they did, they got along perfectly. Funny, how thinking your in love does that, how because he believes it, because he feels so strongly, everything feels like it twists in his favor, that Newt looks at him longingly, that Newt talks to him more than he thinks.

\---

Aris learns that Newt likes nutmeg coffee with a bit of cream in it. They walk to Trader Joe’s making light conversation, and Aris is desperately searching for things to say. For the right words, the right things, things that will make Newt open up to him. He’s scrambling for answers to questions he never really wanted to know the answers to. Questions like what his favorite animal was, or what dessert was his favorite- noted to be guinea pigs and pavlova. Pavlova, he learns, is an ‘Aussie Classic’ but was a heavenly cake made of meringue and fruit.

“Used to eat it all the time as a kid at home. Every holiday, every birthday. Somebody always brought pavlova and I fuckin loved it Mate. Best thing in the world is getting a nice pavlova and just melting into your couch while eating it.”

“Sounds really sweet.”

“It’s to die for.”

“You’re British aren’t you, though?”

“Yeah but god, it’s to die for.”

“Whats your favorite British dessert?”

Newt hums. “Sticky pudding. Hundred percent.”

“What’s that?”

“God, you need to leave the states, you have to… see things and go to Paris. Have you ever been to Paris?”

“No?”

“Paris is nice… or Germany. You need to experience things, or at least watch a baking show from another country.”

Aris laughs awkwardly. “I’ve never really wanted to be anywhere but home. I’ve lived in connecticut my whole life, then came here for school. And well… Kennedy, I think, once said that if you ever get bored just go to another state.”

“Shit man, that’s messed up logic. Whoever said it, doesn’t matter. Gotta… get out of your borders, find the world at large.”

“I take you love to travel?”

Aris wasn’t much of a traveler, planes terrified him. He wonders if they ever dated if Newt would ever want to travel with him, the thought is frighteningly unpleasant. He doesn’t really care much for the world outside his borders, he doesn’t know other languages, or care for new food, or really want to speak to many people.

“I love to travel,” Newt admits dreamily. “It’s just so wonderful… to meet people who know so many things different than you. Who think similar thoughts in different, deeper phrases than you. What was it that Thomas told me… a phrase in Polish?”

“Thomas told you something in Polish? He always says his grandparents taught him, ‘cause he lived with them awhile, but I’ve never heard him speak.”

“Yeah… it was like… it meant dreaming of blue almonds, but it means something totally interesting and well… things like that- god I want to go to Poland. Don’t you want to travel?”

“I’ve never thought about it honestly.”

“You’d totally love it,” Newt insists and Aris wants to appease him, wants Newt to find him ultimately attractive.

“Yeah, I probably would. It sounds like it’s fun,” he lies.

They reach Trader Joe's, already starting to fill to the brim with people and lines and all sorts of things. It's sort of quiet between them for a while, as they grab their things and pay and go to class. Newt talks to him here and there throughout the day, they share their muffins with a select few others. Though, at the end of the day when Aris has work, Newt ends up going to an all too familiar car, that would often be home by then, in the building parking lot. Newt meets Thomas in his car and Aris feels his blood boil. Newt and him were getting along so perfectly, and yet Thomas was still there somehow. Still involved somehow.

It didn’t seem quite fair to him. But in time, he’d be the one on top. Thomas would see.

\---

It wasn’t that he was due to be home for another hour or so, and well Thomas didn’t see why he couldn’t kiss up his boyfriends neck, it was just a kiss. He was only being innocent, or pretending to be anyways, and Newt shifts closer to him, indulging in the intimate touch, something so special for him. Newt hums.

“Aris is going to be home in an hour, you said.”

“And…?”

“It’s not enough to time to have sex, on the couch, mind you, and then clean up whatever mess we make, and shower, and dry off from said shower without him catching on.”

“You’re just trying to spare his feelings or something.”

“He’s a sweet kid…” Newt defends, hand tugging at Thomas’ hair, as if encouraging the sweet, suckling kisses to his skin. “I just… it’s becoming increasingly impossible to not gush all about how amazing you are, and everytime I even mention you to him, he just seems so defeated.”

“Well what do you want to do about it?”

“I just… I don’t want to tell him yet,” Newt says. “Maybe wait until after Christmas, nobody wants to spend holiday broken to pieces.”

Thomas nods, nipping at his collar and Newt exhales slowly. “You’re too nice, you know that?”

“I’ve been told once or twice before.”

Thomas grins, kissing the side of his face gently, hand holding his face, thumb caressing her cheek. Newt feels like he's melting, tilting his head to kiss the pad of his thumb. Thomas moves his face back up and Newt instinctively leans in to kiss him, their lips locking shortly after, a smile dancing on Thomas’ lips.

Their kiss quickly deepens, Newt slowly reclining back into the couch. Thomas is situated between his legs, which lift to box him in, wrapping around his hips like a vice. Newt’s hands run down the front of his chest, before dipping under his tshirt. Thomas laughs.

“Thought we weren’t having sex on the couch.”

“Making out is like… less naked sex.”

“False. Making out leads to sex. And according to you, Aris is going to burst in here the moment our clothes come off and run away from home and never speak to us again.”

“Exactly my point.”

“Maybe it’ll just give him something to think about.”

Newt’s face scrunches up. “I don’t want him thinking about me naked.”

“How long has he liked you? He’s definitely thought about it, especially with your ensemble on movie night.”

“What was wrong with my outfit?”

“Nothing, it was just really tight and scandalous, and definitely worth thinking about.”

“It wasn’t scandalous, it was a crop top and yoga tights.”

“That fit you really well and showed off your abs nicely.”

“Hmm, I don’t think Aris was the one thinking about my ‘ensemble’ from the other night,” Newt judges, though he grins and they meet in a kiss again, Thomas’ hips rocking forward to rut against him. His hips rock down a few more times, Newt moaning, hands pushing up his shirt, feeling his muscular body. It was just as Thomas is undoing the button to Newt’s pants, he hears the keys in the door and they pull apart and Newt looks confused.

“I think Aris is home.”

“It’s early,” Newt says, attempting to button up his pants quickly and fix his hair.

“Go to the bathroom,” Thomas says, ushering him towards the back of the house. “And oh my god, I’m _hard_ \- he’s gonna know.”

“I thought you didn’t care if he knows.”

“Yeah but you care and I’m not looking to be in trouble.”

Newt grins and pecks him just as the door opens before rushing into the bathroom and Thomas quickly moves into the kitchen, grabbing the cards and sitting in the chair, pulling it all the way in so his lower half is hidden under the table.

“Hey, what are you doing?” Aris asks, brows furrowing as he walks in, Thomas seeming a bit skittish.

“Setting up cards uhm- you’re home early?”

“Yeah, we finished… early. So, my manager let us go?”

“Oh cool,” Thomas says, nodding.

“Uh… is somebody here?”

Aris remembers seeing him pick up Newt early, but he doesn’t know if he’s here. His heart skips a beat, thinking that maybe Newt _is_ there. That he’s just in the bathroom or something, perhaps waiting to see him, or perhaps there to talk to him, or maybe they could exchange notes. That he would rather spend time with him over Thomas.

“Uh, Newt’s here,” Thomas confirms. “He’s in the bathroom.”

“Oh- I… I’ll make dinner, for all of us,” Aris says, thinking it’s the perfect way to impress Newt. To sway him.

“I already  made dinner. Uhh… Newt wanted stuffed bell peppers, so we made them together. There’s some left in the microwave and a salad in the fridge with some lemonade? We got kind of crafty.”

Newt comes out of the bathroom, not looking like a kiss bitten wreck, the easy, lusting look that dazed him only 5 minutes ago was gone now.

“Uh- Hey- Hello-, hey, _Hi_ , Newt,” Aris stutters, noting how _great_ he looked in that outfit, his hair swooping into his eyes.

Newt laughs. “Hi Aris, doing alright?” he asks, going to sit in the chair furthest from Thomas, and Aris takes this as a sign he wants Aris to sit next to him, he nearly trips over his own two feet when he gestures for Aris to take the chair beside him. When he’s not looking, Newt winks at Thomas. Thomas bites back a smile. Aris joins in the chair beside him, and he desperately wants to say something of great interest for Newt.

“You’re early, Thomas said you weren’t getting home until later,” Newt says.

“Oh uh… just worked out that we finished early.”

“Oh good,” Newt cooes, smiling. “We were gonna play cards, you know how to play?”

“Not really, no…” Aris hated cards. But he was willing to try it if Newt wanted him to play, he doesn’t really realize that Newt loved so many things that he hated, that they were only compatible on the basic most level.

“We should do something simple,” Thomas says.

Newt gasps. “Do you have Uno? It’s like… my favorite American game. Minho taught me and it’s so fun!”

Thomas laughs. “Oo we should play ‘Sorry!’”

Newt pouts. “Uno is more fun.”

“It is not.”

“Or candyland?”

“I thought we were playing cards,” Aris says.

“Now we’re playing candyland,” Thomas decides. “So I can finally kick Newt’s butt!”

Aris notes the ‘finally’ and nods, smiling half hearted. He almost objects that he could totally win, but Newt is already up, trying to beat Thomas to the game closet, which he can’t remember ever being shown to Newt, and he wonders how often Newt was here when he wasn’t. If him and Thomas hung out more than they let on. He chews his lip and he listens closely, as it gets oddly quiet a moment.

Back by the closet, Newt had met Thomas in a kiss, praying that their lips didn’t make any noise as they parted, and praying harder that Aris didn’t hear them or suspect anything. That Aris just thought they were finally behaving themselves, rather than trying to beat each other to get the board game, like it determined who would win. Newt snatches Candyland and goes back to the kitchen triumphant, and Thomas follows him defeated. Aris is a bystander to their interactions, unsure of how to assert himself. He fiddles with his thumbs, and he thinks that if Thomas could just… leave to pee or something, but no, the game starts.

And Aris is thrown into a very, very intense game of Candyland, in which he discovers Newt can be quite competitive. Thomas does actually win and Newt is absolutely infuriated, taken over with annoyance, he goes “ _Fuck you!_ ” crossing his arms and pouting, and Thomas jumps up, as if his winning really mattered for something.

“Suck my _dick_! I am now Candyland King and there is nothing you girls can do about it.”

“You did not just disrespect _Mulan_ like that! How dare you quote my favorite Disney movie in spite of me?” Newt threw a spare piece at him and sticks his tongue out and Thomas almost leans over the table to yank him into a kiss but Aris says something, and neither were paying attention, they just look over, as if surprised he was still there.

“I don’t think this is that deep,” Aris repeats.

“It is too! I have pride,” Newt declares. “And more wins than you! So you are not the Candy King!”

“Oh fuck off, you sour faced sunflower,” Thomas dismisses.

“What? That’s not even an insult. You have poor insulting skills.”

Thomas dramatically leans his head back, presses the back of his hand to his forehead. “Ugh, I’m so, _so_ hurt!”

“Fuck off, bruv. I’m the Candy King, you can suck _my_ dick about it.”

“Maybe nobody should suck anybody’s dick,” Aris cuts in, annoyed. Newt raises a brow.

“Why not? It’s fun, you should try it.”

“What?”

Newt flushes, realizing what he’s suggested. “I just- I meant in general. Nothing- oh my, that was… I’m sorry,” He says and Thomas laughs.

“Roll around in the sheets with older guys but can’t suggest sucking dick without getting embarrassed?”

“One time! He looked like he was my age!” Newt defends and Aris feels his body burning with the rage of Newt sleeping with other men, in a jealous sort of way, an almost possessive way. He doesn’t like this conversation at all, why would Newt never consider him? Was he strictly into older guys? Was he missing something? Why does Thomas seem like he knows something about what goes on in Newt’s bed?

“Was he good? Was it worth it?”

“Better than you- probably anyways.”

“False, I’m great in bed. We should try it sometimes.”

“Posh,” Newt says, rolling his eyes, and he’s blushing deep. Aris really hates Thomas in this moment, doesn’t say anything. “We’re playing again, I’m gonna win,” Newt decides, clearing his throat. “Aris totally hates the image of you naked, more than I do.”

“Yeah okay. Wanna see Aris naked instead?”

“I don’t-” Aris says. “You don’t have to answer that.”

“I’m done talking about it,” Newt offers, to Aris’ disappointment. “It’s a bit intrusive,” Newt amends. “And Tommy is just jealous that I had great sex with a pretty man and he didn’t.”

“He was how old?”

“None of your business.”

“Rude.”

“Just older than I thought.”

“So like… an estimate?”

“He didn’t look anywhere near that age. I really thought he was 27. So just a couple years older than I am now.”

“Pity… what about that story you told me where you…. You know?”

“Oh no, stop!” Newt says laughing, head tilting back. “We’re playing again, I don’t want to relive that story. Aris is going to get me kicked out of school.”

“Me?”

“I’m just teasing.”

Aris hates that Newt treats him so gently, like he’s walking on thin ice. Or like he’s something that can’t be taunted or teased or bantered with, like he does to Thomas, who by the way, was shuffling the little deck of playing cards and setting up the board game again. Aris leans back in his chair and smiles, trying to appear okay, and maybe in a different context, where it wasn’t suggested that Newt would totally sleep with Thomas, or that Thomas has thought about sleeping with Newt, or knew about Newt sleeping with other people, this wouldn’t matter so much.

Aris thinks if Newt had told him, it wouldn’t be so bad, but Newt is dancing around him, he has been all night. He blames Thomas, he wonders if Thomas had said something. He isn’t too thrilled the rest of the night, but waits until Newt is gone, quite late into the evening, to confront him.

“What did you say to Newt?”

“What?”

“He was acting weird around me all night.”

“I didn’t think he was acting any different.”

“Did you say something?”

“Aris, what are you talking about?”

“To Newt, did you say something to Newt?”

“In general…?”

“About me liking him. I know you know.”

“Oh… Uhm... ? Well I had a suspicion, I didn’t really know. And no, I didn’t say anything.”

“So, you thought I liked him, and still think it’s a good idea to flirt with him?”

“I wasn’t flirting. Aris, I’m not trying to hurt you.”

“I really like him, can you please stop with all those jokes?”

“What jokes? It’s just how we talk to each other… Listen, I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings, I get that you like him or whatever, but I’m not going to end any relationship I have with him because your jealous. Just… try talking to him, or hanging out with him alone more.”

“What do you mean, ‘relationship’?”

“You’re being really mean,” Thomas snaps. “He’s not like… ‘yours’ or anything. I’m trying to help you. Newt is the kind of guy who has some personal issues and it takes a lot to get close to him. I earned my place as his friend, and just because you think something was said or something happened, doesn’t mean it did. He was acting how he always acts tonight-”

“I’ve never seen him that annoyed.”

“Because you don’t hang out with him like I do. You have classes together, so what? This is really kind of childish.”

“Thomas, I really, _really_ like him. I just want a chance to be with him, I don’t want to be mean, I just… I was thrown off that you apparently seem to know a lot about who he sleeps with- is he even that sexual of a person?”

“That’s not my information to reveal, actually.”

“Seriously, it just hurt that even though you apparently knew-”

“I’m telling you, just ask him out or something. He won’t be mean.”

Aris looks kind of hopeful, and he wasn’t really good with confrontation, he sounded more desperate and hopeless than he did rude, but the words weren’t too kind either. “You think he likes me back?”

Thomas feels bad, because he knows for a fact that Newt and him were too deeply infatuated, too close to being in love, for Newt to really reciprocate any feelings for Aris, but Newt said to be nice, and how does he say this without leading him on? Shit oh shit oh shit. “Uh… I don’t really know,” Thomas says. “I don’t really pay attention to that stuff.”

“Am I obvious?”

“I just know you really well.”

“Oh… can you find out?”

“Maybe… god I don’t know..” Thomas waves him off. “Hey, let’s just forget this conversation.”

“What?”

“What…?”

“You’re acting weird all of a sudden.”

“It’s nothing. I have to sleep, school in the morning, remember?”

Aris nods, and he lets it go.

\---

Skip to about a month later, emotional highs and lows as Aris tries to figure out if Newt loved him back, if Newt looking him in the eye meant something, if he acted so shy around him because he liked him, if they studied during finals together just because Newt liked his company. They finally finished finals, it was nearly Christmas now and snow was drizzling laconically to the ground, taking its time to reach the hard pavement. Technically, their coffee and Trader Joe’s trip was a date, but he was going to ask Newt to a real date, before he left to go home for the holidays.

Newt was walking out of his last final, looking exhausted but relieved, maybe a bit anxious. “Newt?” Aris calls, catching up to him and Newt gives him a tired smile.

“Hi Aris,” Newt says, sounding exhausted.

“You okay?”

“I just really hope I did good. I want nothing more than to be a surgeon, you know?” he admits. “God, I’m so exhausted. I just want to go home.”

“Well… I was thinking, now that all our finals are over, when you’re more rested, me and you can go out? Alone…”

“What?”

“Like a date… maybe?”

Newt seems a bit surprised, bites his lower lip but nods. “I think… that would be lovely.”

“Really?”

“Yeah… sure. You just… text me a place and time and I’ll be there.”

“Do you want me to pick you up or…?”

“We can talk about it over text,” Newt says quickly. “I just… I really want to get home,” He says. Thomas is waiting at home, with Minho and Alby and hot cocoa. With marshmallows that have melted into froth because the cocoa is so hot. They were decorating today, and didn’t mention it to Aris, because it was a special thing. Something they wanted to do as close friends, and now that Minho and Alby knew that he was dating Thomas, they welcomed him to their tradition.

“Oh…” Aris says nodding. “Sorry, if you don’t want to-”

“I really do, I just… I’m so tired right now,” Newt says, rubbing his shoulder.

“Do you want a ride home?”

Newt glances at his phone where the Uber app was open, he had planned on napping in the library until his ride got here but he might as well hitch one for free. “Sure,” Newt agrees. Aris nods, and he had so many times fantasized about Newt being in his car, singing to his favorite song, letting his hand ride the waves of the wind, his hair blown back. Or cozied up in the front seat, their fingers laced on the console, Newt leaning over to kiss his neck, kissing Newt goodbye before dropping him off at home. His imagination runs wild with this interaction, his slight obsession fueling his veins. In the car Newt rests his hand on the console and Aris lets his hand linger near Newt, who he sees smile from the corner of his eye, he thinks it’s genuine, happy to be spending time with him, not nervous or tight. His heart is beating frantically, Newt must like him back. Newt must love him too. Just as they pull closer to his house, he lets his knuckles brush Newts and Newt, as it appears to Aris, pulls away shyly and folds his hands in his lap, looking out the window.

They get to his building and Newt smiles. “Thank you for the ride,” He says sincerely. “Really saved me some cash.”

“ _Anything_ for you, darling,” he says, letting the pet name slip out before he can stop it, too wrapped in his own head to think of what he was saying. Newt laughs, raising his hand before biting his knuckle.

“I uhm… yeah? I’ll, I’ll see you later probably,” Newt says, nodding a bit before turning to the door and Aris stops him.

“That was weird, I’m so sorry. I didn’t- I meant it in-”

“It’s okay, really,” Newt says. “Don’t worry about it.”

“No, god, this doesn’t change anything does it?”

Newts shoulders kind of slump. “No… you text me and we’ll work something out. I think we should really… really talk?” Newt says, suggestive enough that it doesn’t sound too serious.

“You want to talk?” Aris asks, and Newt nods.

“Yeah, just something I wanted to talk to you about,” Newt says. “And I think you’d understand, you know?”

Aris nods, and Newt takes his hand and squeezes before leaving the car and rushing upstairs where his best friends, all three of them, in the whole wide world were. He nearly cries when he opens the door and sees Minho attempting to untangle the lights.

“You okay, love?” Minho asks, standing up. Minho was only ever really soft between the four of them, and Brenda, his girlfriend, of course. Newt shrugs.

“Aris asked me out, and then he tried holding my hand in the car, and then he called me a petname-”

“Whoa slow down. When was this?”

“Now!”

“What did you say?"

"I agreed to go out and that he should text me and I told him I had something to tell him, in the least emotional manner, so he didn’t pick anything up from it, You know? Like I’m not leading him on but I’m not… whatever, right? And he… He seems like he’s kind of scary into me?”

“Like your ex…?” Minho suggests. Newt’s ex boyfriend was a cause for a lot of stress and terror in Newt’s life. When Newt had denied his proposal, because Newt was only 21, he had smoked Newt out in the worst possible way, spread all sorts of things about him. Newt had moved to New York, to live with Minho and Alby, and over the past 2 years, now at 23, he had grown infinitely closer with other people, like Thomas and Gally, and Thomas’ friends, Frypan and Winston. They made him feel safe, they welcomed him, and Thomas had never let his feelings for Newt get in the way of their friendship, he put his friendship with Newt first and Newt, who had been so broken, and so newly depressed then, deeply appreciated it.

“I don’t know… I just…”

“Are you okay?” Thomas asks, walking in, looking defensive. “What happened?”

“I think… I think Aris’ crush… it just makes me uncomfortable now.”

“What?”

“Just… he asked me out, and I said for him to just text me, then kind of kept asking, like he wanted an answer, and I told him I was tired-”

“Did he try anything?”

“No it was just odd,” Newt assures Thomas.

“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to go,” Thomas assures. “I can tell him, he can be mad at me… okay?”

“I don’t think that boy has a bad intention in his body, I don’t even knows if he means to come off how he does, just… he called me _darling_ and kept trying to hold my hand, and I was so sure he probably would have kissed me had I not said anything. I think he’s just read the whole situation wrong.”

Thomas and Minho nod. “What did you say?” Thomas asks.

“To text me about the date, and that when we went I had to tell him something.”

Thomas nods, kissing Newt’s temple, letting him rest in his arms. Minho smiles at the two, helping lead Newt to his bedroom. “I should change, you’re all in PJ’s, it’s no fair.”

Thomas nods. “You should change, I was helping Alby bake in the kitchen.”

“Is he good?” Alby calls. “Does he want cookie dough? It’s peanut butter!”

Newt nods his head feverently. “I want cookie dough, say yes!” Newt whispers and Minho laughs.

“He’s so sad he needs a whole bowl!” Minho calls. “With whip cream on top!”

“My poor _baby._ Aight, I’mma put him a whole little mug with some cocoa-” Alby rambles. “He ain’t gotta worry about shit.”

Newt puts his hand over his heart. “Should I cry when I walk into the kitchen?”

“A little, for effect,” Thomas says. “Hug him too.”

Newt nods before shooing them away to change. He joins them, Thomas giving him a loving slow kiss in the doorway under the newly hung up mistletoe. Newt cups his cheek, before parting and cuddling into him.

“God… this is going to be so hard,” he says, pouting. “What if he flips out on me?”

“No, he wouldn’t,” Thomas says instantly.

“What’s going on?” Alby says.

“Aris asked him out,” Minho fills in.

“Oh my… you said yes- tell me you didn’t say yes! God Sakes, why didn't you just tell him you're not interested? Helluva lot easier.”

“Because I think he’s sort of… put it in his own head that I’m interested. I can’t just declare, ‘hey I’m in love with your roommate! Bug off.’”

“You could,” the other three say and Newt gives them each a stern look and they all try to amend their stance.

“I’m going, I’ll tell him nicely. It’s not like… he doesn’t… it’ll be fine.”

\---

“Where were you?” Aris asks when Thomas gets home.

He had (thankfully) asked Winston and Frypan to cover for him and they willingly agreed, knowing that Aris was too in his head about this situation. “Out with Winston and Frypan.”

“Oh… Cool,” He says. “I asked out Newt,” he informs excited.

“That’s great!” Thomas says, a lingering feeling in the back of his mind due to how upset Newt had been by this sheer fact.

“Yeah! I really think he likes me.”

“Just… make sure you know what you’re getting into… people aren’t always what they seem… you know?”

“What?”

“Just… Newt isn’t really a you person and I don’t want you to end up hurt.”

“Newt is _perfect_ for me, okay? I’m like totally in love with him.”

“Aris, how can you say that? You studied a few times, you don’t know him-”

“Just because you’ve been friends longer means nothing! He’s the one for me, okay?”

Oh this, stings, because Thomas knows this isn’t true, at least on Newt’s end. He knows how scared this whole situation made Newt, how quickly Newt would want to cancel if he knew Aris believed himself to be in love. He feels protective of his lover, like he needs to stop this whole thing. But Aris looks so vulnerable.

“Why are you trying to talk me out of this all of a sudden?”

“You can’t fall in love with someone like that. I know you’re trying to understand your sexuality, that you never really got a chance in highschool but-”

“What are you saying? What is it, Thomas?”

“Newt… Newt is more than pretty and charming and witty, you know that, don’t you? He’s not… whatever it is in your head, he’s a real person.”

“I know. I know him, I understand him, okay?”

“Okay…” Thomas says, backing down. He doesn’t think that he an convince Aris otherwise without telling him that Newt was his. He wanted to be a good friend, but he doesn’t know if they can really be friends after… all of this, after Newt tells him the truth. Were they leading him on by being nice like this? God, now Thomas felt bad. The one time he’s not oblivious and it results in all this hurt inside him, for Newt, and maybe for Aris too. He just knows that Aris has created this image of Newt that holds him to a high standard of perfection and lust and witticisms and brains, like he’s apart of Aris’ own imagination, not the real Newt who struggles constantly with himself, who cries at night, who has deep scar wounds from suicide attempts, or when he was younger and used to cut his ribs to convince himself the pain was better than dying. Who had faced so much trauma, and so much hurt from other people, who was scared, and just trying to get by and recover. Newt who was more than this witty, smart, beautiful person. But a real, raw, intelligent human being, somebody who was mutlifaceted, who loved and lost, and sometimes had no witty comebacks, who liked tea over coffee sometimes, who loved his youtube channel and yoga and routine more than anything because it kept him sane and in tact.

Newt was determined, Newt was strong, Newt was not a manic pixie dream and it made Thomas so angry that he could be boiled down like that. That somebody could see him as just that. Aris doesn’t know this, he lets Aris stay convinced.

\---

The date never happens, because Aris ends up having to go home a bit earlier than expected due to some family emergency or other. Newt is more than relieved, able to enjoy his holiday with his boyfriend and his friends and not worry. It was a relief, more than anything.

_Aris: we can reschedule?_

_Newt: definitely… once you’re home._

\---

Aris had decided to surprise Thomas by coming home early for the New Years Eve party but didn’t get home until about 11.58 and the apartment was sparkling and gleaming with black and gold streamers, gold glitter, champagne glasses and little horderves everywhere. There was a buffet in their kitchen, and because the apartment was kind of small, the maybe 30 people seemed like much more. Music was blasting and Aris was just trying to make it through. People were starting to count down and he stops when he spots Newt, holding a glass of pink champagne, looking gorgeous in a sleek suit. Everybody was dressed nice it seemed and the closer the time got, it seemed the more Newt was looking for somebody.

Aris, hopeful as he was, starts making his way across the room as they reach the thirty second mark. This was his moment, his big romantic gesture, as the countdown reaches 20, then 15. He would swoop Newt down into a kiss but Newt is standing beside Brenda and Minho now, Thomas coming over.

10

9

8

Aris is convinced, he’s going to go over there and kiss him until he goes haywire, that Newt will realize they’re some sort of destiny. He’ll tell him he loves him, lead him off to his bedroom and kiss him in the privacy of the room, saturated in darkness. Maybe it’ll be a little awkward, maybe because it would be so dark he accidentally bites his lip. The light that comes in is from the fireworks by the hudson, just barely viewable from behind all the buildings.

5

4

3

And Aris is so close, just a few people away really, but when everyone declares happy New Year, when this love song is playing in the back, when glitter and party poppers and champagne and even food is flying around, it wasn’t Aris who got to kiss him. Aris stops dead in his tracks as Thomas yanks Newt in by his delicate hip, as he kisses Newt with this fierce passion, encasing him in this open mouth kiss that Newt only encourages, cupping his jaw, seeming to go boneless in his arms, submitting to the kiss Thomas bestowed him. His heart drops. He feels his throat close, and his eyes watering and he wants to yell, tear them apart. He was _so close_ to winning. To getting Newt.

He watches them part and sway together, how happy Newt seemed. How could he? How could he do this when he promised Aris a date? When they were meant to be? He didn’t understand, he didn’t see how he could get played by fate so easily, when he was _right there._ Newt was supposed to be _his._

Frypan notices and Aris sees a few of their friends staring at him, before feeling embarrassed and rushing to his room, slamming the door shut and locking it.  He breaks down crying in his room, not that anybody can hear him over the pulsing chatter and music.

“Aris?” Jack calls from outside the room. “Open the door, please? Dude, come on-”

“Go away! Go away…” he begs over and over again.

\---

Frypan approaches the two, taking Thomas’ hand. “What’s wrong?” He asks. “Come on we’re having fun,” he cooes a little drunk.

“Aris is home… he saw you guys kiss, I think?”

They both look a bit devastated but both were unsure of what to do really. “Maybe I should talk to him,” Newt says.

“Now?” Thomas asks, drunk and yearning for attention. “It’s January 1st, we’re supposed to be having fun!”

“We are… just let me talk to him,” Newt cooes and Frypan backs out, deciding it’s best left to the two to figure out. Everyone sort of knew how obsessed Aris was, nobody really approved of it, or fueled it much. They all knew that Thomas and Newt just wanted to spare his heart. Thomas leans in and kisses him again, Newt smiling.

“I won’t do anything horrid,” he promises, before leaving Thomas with Frypan and Alby, going off to Aris’ room, sneaking into the room, Aris having moved to his bed. He sits on the edge of the bed.

“I don’t want to talk,” he says, obviously crying. Newt takes a breath.

“I just… I wanted to apologize… I didn’t mean to hurt you, I was really trying to avoid it.”

“Go away,” Aris says. “I really don’t want to talk to you right now.”

“Aris… please, understand.”

“I loved you! How could you!”

“You- what?”

“I did! Okay? And you stepped all over me, you chose _Thomas_.”

“I… I didn’t mean to lead you to believe that I liked you anyway- and if I did-”

“But… our date!”

“I was going to tell you about me and Thomas,” Newt offers. “Please, you’re just upset. And hurting. We can talk about this-”

“Just get _out._ ”

Newt nods, obliges to his wishes and the rest of the night goes on as if it never happened. Everybody drinks more, and goes home super late or stays. Newt and Thomas end up in bed, cuddling into each other, love drunk (and drunk-drunk) puppies, totally smitten and in love. Newt hugs him tight, knowing that Thomas will protect him.

Aris is up before any of them, and he sits outside on their tiny balcony, wishing it had all just been a bad dream, but he knew it wasn’t. Newt is the first one up, wrapped in Thomas’ fuzzy robe as he walks out. Aris doesn’t look at him, Newt sitting down on a snowy chair beside him.

“I know… I know that you genuinely believe you have these very strong, passionate feelings for me-”

“I do, I swear-”

“Please, let me talk,” Newt nearly begs. “I just need you to listen.”

Aris sighs, nodding.

“I know I hurt you last night, we both did, but that wasn’t… we’ve been… dating since september.”

“What?”

“I know, and I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t know how to do it without hurting you. Me and Thomas both care for you deeply as our friend- but the truth is, is Thomas has helped me through so much, that you don’t know about me or understand, or could even really fathom into your idea of who you think I am. And I’m really sorry, I am. I  can’t be what you want me to be, and I don’t think we… fit. Thomas suits me, he put our friendship first, he still does. And he makes me very happy and I make him very happy.”

“I know I’m supposed to say something like ‘I’m so happy that you’re happy’ but that’s a lie,” Aris says, still not looking at him. “I thought you loved me back.”

“You don’t love me,” Newt decides, being more sharp than he wants. “I’m sorry…. I just… It takes a lot of time to decide if you love somebody and…”

“I know what I feel.”

“I understand. But you don’t love _me._ I know that, I know that because very few people are very close to me, close enough to know enough to say they love me, as a friend or in Thomas’ case, as a boyfriend.”

“Do you love him?”

“Yes.” Newt doesn’t even hesitate, he says it in a heartbeat. “And I’m really sorry, I wanted to be gentle, we didn’t know you were going to be there last night…”

“What if you did? Were you going to hide? Were you going to kiss in a room I wasn’t? Pretend like you weren’t having sex- is that why you’re into him?”

“What? No! God, you’re taking this so hard, I know you don’t mean any of this. And if you do, I don’t want you talking to me again. I’m trying really hard to be nice but you’re not understanding, we hardly even like the same foods, it would never work.”

“You never gave me a chance.”

“I’m all out of chances to give. I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean for it to happen this way, at least I’m trying to apologize.”

“Thank you for the apology, what you did was shitty.”

“I don’t disagree but we had good intentions. We didn’t think you’d find out like this.”

“But I did.”

“What were you going to do last night?”

“What?”

“Before we kissed?”

“I…”

“Were you going to kiss me?” Newt asks, but it’s not very nice.

“I wanted to.”

Newt looks upset by this. “We would never have lasted,” Newt decides. “And you need to hear this, because I’m a person. I’m not a day dream. I’m not nothing. You don’t get to decide that you’re going to swoop in and kiss me, what if I didn’t want that? You don’t-” Newt resigns. “I just… I like so many things you don’t. I know you wanted this to work out, but… I can’t give you what you want.”

“But you can give it to Thomas?”

“Thomas sees me for me. Not… anything other than.”

“You keep apologizing, I don’t think you mean it.”

“I mean it. You’ll find somebody, somebody who loves you and cares for you, I promise. I’m just not it. And please don’t ask how I know, please don’t blame me, please don’t say that-” Newt has to suck in tears, this feels a lot like his past coming back to haunt him. “Listen, you can feel what you want, but I am entitled to say no and I can deny you of having me, whether you like it or not. I have tried so hard to be your friend and it’s so unsettling when you try to be friends and know all they see is you as a sexual being.”

“I’m sorry…” Aris whispers. “I didn’t mean-”

“So please, just drop this whole thing. Don’t be mad at Thomas…. We meant well.”

“I’m sure you did.”

“You don’t have to forgive us.”

“I probably have to, I live with him.”

Newt nods slowly, returns to the bedroom. He lays down beside Thomas, kissing his shoulder, and smiling softly. He was safe here, with Thomas, at least. He feels bad, but he also knows (now more than ever) that he doesn’t owe it to anyone to love them, or be with them, or stay where he wouldn’t be happy. He owes better to himself.

\---

It was after Newt’s birthday that Thomas had decided to get his own apartment. Him and Aris had a lot of unresolved tension. Things they couldn’t work out. Especially after once he came home when they forgot to fully shut the door all the way before making it. Thomas almost felt bad, but he also knew that nothing could really fix what damage they’d done. That this was called for, and that he had expected it.

He was moving, now, into his new place, a small studio apartment closer to his job and Newt didn’t mind the distance to see him at all. “I’m sorry, that we couldn’t work out our friendship…” Thomas says.

“I’m sure you are,” Aris says. “You should go.”

Thomas nods. “I’m gonna go…” he agrees before turning around to him again. “Not for nothing, thank you.”

“For what?”

“For… not hurting him too much.”

“Oh… I don’t really know what you’d thought I’d do.”

“I guess that’s just… a reason why it couldn’t work. Huh?”

“I guess.”

“Bye Aris…”

“Bye Thomas.”

And that was that. That was the end of their story together, their friendship, and Aris was left to wallow in his heartbreak, the idea he’d never get the man he’d dreamt up to be so spectacular. Thomas leaves, and Newt departs from his life too. It was just how things had to be. At least for Aris.

He learns that sometime a year later, they got married and adopted a child. Moved into a small rental house in the suburb, that was white with a fence and near some park. He hears that they’re happy. He moves back home eventually, but really, he and Newt never speak again. And Newt was happy, overtime, he does mean it when he says at least Newt is happy.

At least Newt had gotten what he wanted. Aris, though, never truly got over him but he never stood a chance anyways.

**Author's Note:**

> I was inspired, not as long as anticipated buuuut not bad either! PLEASE leave a comment, all your feedback helps and it really makes my day to hear from you guys! I'm probably going to write a sequel from Newts POV mostly.  
> Thank you for reading <3


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